


Hello Teacher

by greycoupon



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 06:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20756006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greycoupon/pseuds/greycoupon
Summary: Curled up on the floor, Mulder thought the pounding in his head was so loud it would shatter his skull.  He imagined the bones breaking like glass and his face caving in as his brains oozed out of his nose and mouth.  The macabre visual was oddly comforting.  At least that would be an end and the pain would stop. TW: depression





	Hello Teacher

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I write when I'm in a bad place. WARNING deals with depression and has a vague reference to self-harm. I'm honestly dubious anyone wants to read this but I may write more about Mulder's mental health journey.

Curled up on the floor, Mulder thought the pounding in his head was so loud it would shatter his skull. He imagined the bones breaking like glass and his face caving in as his brains oozed out of his nose and mouth. The macabre visual was oddly comforting. At least that would be an end and the pain would stop.

He could feel the weight of his existence pounding down on and through him. The pain in his head radiated through his whole body. His limbs flopped uselessly on the floor. At the center of his gut was pure fear. It leaked down his back and straight to his heart. He wasn’t even sure what he was afraid of at that moment. He just knew he was so tired and wanted it to stop.

He rested his cheek against the cold tile floor. He was pressed in the small space between the toilet and the wall. Vaguely, he noticed it was leaking. Someone should call a plumber. Was that his job? He couldn’t remember the last time he did anything around the house.

There was that pounding again.

“Mulder!” Belatedly, he realized it wasn’t just in his head. Scully was pounding on the door with significant force. 

Oh yes. He had locked the door. So she wouldn’t bug him. Why had he done that again? He was sure there was some rational reason for it. But now it escaped it him. But he couldn’t open the door. They could be out there.

That was what he was afraid of, wasn’t it? Focusing just took so much energy. If he could just sleep, maybe it would all stop. 

“Mulder, if you don’t unlock this door I’m going to break it down!” That managed to break through the fog of pain and anxiety. How did she think she was doing that? They had retrofitted the house when they moved in with industrial hardware and locks. She could pound and kick all night and not make a dent.

But. She could hurt herself doing that. Scully had a habit of not being rational when she thought he was in trouble. She might sprain or break something and she would still keep going because that was just who she was.

Mulder reluctantly moved his arms in front of him and tried to leverage them so he could sit up. 

“Mulder, if you don’t open up I’m calling 911!” That he knew she wouldn’t actually do...would she? THEY were still looking for him. They had been in the house for almost a year and Mulder had left it exactly twice. They weren’t running his profile on America’s Most Wanted anymore but he was still a wanted man. Scully would never risk exposing him like that unless she had to save his life.

Slowly, as his limbs felt like they weighed 200 pounds, he dragged himself to his feet.

“Mulder!” He could hear her sobbing through the door. Quickly he unlocked and opened it. She had been leaning against it and fell into the bathroom in her rush to get to him.

Scully grabbed him and hugged him tightly.

“I was so worried,” she said. Pushing back slightly she started running her hands over his body checking for injury. She felt down his arms to his hands before stroking down his chest and abdomen. Down, she went on his legs. Finally satisfied he didn’t have any physical injuries, she wiped her tear stained face. At any other time he would have a joke ready about her feeling him up but at that moment nothing funny existed in the universe.

He tried a smile to reassure her. It was so fake. The fear had receded in his belly but all he felt was empty. There was a constant pain in his head and he was tired. Always so tired.

“Let's get you into bed,” she said. He followed her back into their bedroom. She pulled the comforter and sheets aside and waited for him to get in bed. Vaguely he wondered who had made the bed in the first place. It certainly hadn’t been him. 

He spent his time exactly two ways. Sleeping right here or investigating cases in his office. He was still a psychologist. He knew the signs of depression but knowing something logically and being willing to face it were two different things.

Getting under the covers, he surprised Scully and honestly himself, by holding them up for her.

“Are you coming?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetic and useless as felt.

Without a word she took her shoes off and crawled in next to him.

“I love you. I need you to always remember that. I’m also worried about you.”

He tried reassuring her. “I was just upset and needed to be out of my head for a little while.”

Scully reached up to gently caress his face.

“I know it's hard being cooped up in the house all the time but you can’t hide from me. I was really worried,” she said,

Mulder faked his best smile and grabbed her hand in his. 

“I’m sorry I scared you.” He put his arms around her so he could move her body up so their foreheads were touching. That was the best way he knew to connect with her in that moment. Just being near her made him feel safer. The pain was still there but he pretended it wasn’t. He was getting to be a very good actor.

She gently kissed his lips before settling down on the bed. Looking at him carefully, she asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said. Her favorite words. She was always fine. So. He was fine too. They both knew it was a lie and but would pretend everything was okay. It would do for now.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Can't Stand Seeing You Like This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21254522) by [ScullyLovesQueequeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullyLovesQueequeg/pseuds/ScullyLovesQueequeg)


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